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What can you do as a loved one of an alcoholic?
Is someone close to you dealing with alcohol addiction? Watching a loved one struggle with alcohol addiction can be very tough. As a loved one of an alcoholic, there are several ways you can help.
Effect of alcohol addiction on family and friends
Alcohol addiction affects not only the alcoholic themselves, but also friends and family members. Watching a partner, child or friend slip into alcohol addiction can be heartbreaking and frustrating. Alcoholism often also creates tension in the relationship as your loved one fails to keep appointments and gives up commitments. Financial or legal problems can also arise. If your partner or child is an alcoholic, you may even have to deal with aggression or physical violence.
All of these consequences can feel so overwhelming that you no longer know what to do with the situation. It is also often difficult to discuss the addiction with your loved one. Possibly he or she denies the problem or perhaps you blame yourself for the addiction or it evokes shame, fear and anger. Nevertheless, it is worth discussing and seeking help for both yourself and your loved one.
Recognizing alcoholism in a loved one
It can be very difficult to recognize an alcohol addiction in another person. The amount of alcohol a person drinks does not necessarily indicate addiction directly. More important is the reason for alcohol abuse and its consequences. Does your loved one drink to get away from problems or to ignore negative feelings? If so, there may be an alcohol problem. Other signs that indicate a possible alcohol addiction are:
- Drinking alcohol as a reaction to panic, stress, mood swings or depression;
- Regularly giving up commitments at work, home or school for alcohol or recovering from alcohol;
- Continuing to drink despite tensions this causes in family and social contacts;
- Drinking many times in a row and drinking more alcohol than planned;
- Drinking alcohol secretly.
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Advice for loved ones of someone with alcohol addiction
How do you start the conversation about alcohol addiction?
Discussing alcohol addiction with your child, friend or partner can be exciting. Some tips that can help make the problems discussable are:
- Try to start the conversation at a time when he or she is not drinking.
- Announce that you want to have a conversation about addiction. Don't ambush someone with that. Ask when someone has time, so they can prepare accordingly.
- Share your concerns in an understanding, empathetic and calm manner.
Also name what bothers you - not focusing on the person but on the behavior or its effects. So focus on the problem and not the person.
- Discuss the reasons for alcohol abuse: why does someone use alcohol? For example, is there stress or depression?
- Don't take negative reactions personally and don't be discouraged if he/she denies the problem. You may not arrive at a request for help until after several conversations.
- Don't enter the conversation blaming but try to sympathize. Often friends and family tend to blame and this quickly creates an argument. Better to help someone and sympathize with the conversation.
How do you encourage your loved one to seek help?
In most cases, an alcoholic needs treatment to quit alcohol. You can help a family member or friend seek help for addiction by, for example, contacting a helpline, treatment provider or mental health agency together. You can also accompany them to a doctor's appointment, psychologist or group meeting.
Name what bothers you from the I message. For example, "It bothers me when you drink because you react differently than normal." Name the behavior and express what it does to you. This can also give the person with the addiction a reason to seek treatment.
Helping your loved one avoid relapse
During treatment at U-center, we pay a lot of attention to preventing relapse. When your loved one returns home, it is important to prevent him or her from falling back into old patterns. During the admission to U-center we therefore develop a Future Development Plan (TOP) together with the client and friends or family. In this you record, for example, what you can do at those times when you feel the urge to drink alcohol. This plan is intended not only for the client himself, but also for the family.
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Last updated on 26-09-2023
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